I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
