I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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