try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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