I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
