I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
