It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
