I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
