So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
