Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
