We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
