So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
