every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Semen is not good for contacts.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
