the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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