Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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