We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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