She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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