We need to rekindle our bromance
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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