i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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