she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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