we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
