We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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