DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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