you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize