Are we in a gay sports bar?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
