Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He passed out mid-signature
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
