I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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