nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
