i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Im part way to drunk.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
