I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
