Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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