I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
