I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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