Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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