if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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