your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
