when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
