brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
