how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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