I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
