So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
