so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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