drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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