He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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