Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
