Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
