This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
