I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
