So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
