Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
