that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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