who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
