I heard we made out
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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