Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize