You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you win again, gameday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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