very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
