I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize