How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
