all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
