My nipple is on Facebook.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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