There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
