I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
