update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
