you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
