there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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