I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish i was in the wii world.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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