It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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