I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
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