It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
