Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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