My hand turned me down
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize