My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
