we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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