Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
