And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
