hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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