i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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