It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They have beer where we have blood.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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