it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
